First things first: Why is feedback important?

In a nutshell: Your employees can’t fix a problem if they don’t know one exists. Constructive feedback clarifies performance expectations and provides critical information to help your employee grow. When delivered consistently and respectfully, it also builds trust and drives engagement.

Trayton Vance, an executive coach at Coaching Focus, says feedback is “one of the most underused drivers of performance.” So why do so many managers still avoid it? “They worry about saying the wrong thing, damaging relationships, or creating tension,” he says, noting that hesitation comes at a cost. “Without consistent, constructive feedback, standards slip, communication weakens, and performance stalls.”

The impact may be greater than many managers realize. Sarah Noll Wilson, president and founder at The Noll Wilson Group, points out that beyond shaping individual performance, feedback conversations influence team norms, expectations, and ultimately company culture. “Our culture is shaped by what we do and say with regularity,” she says. “It is also shaped by what we celebrate and tolerate. What behavior are you tolerating, and how is that shaping your culture?

When is the best time to provide feedback?

Most experts we talked to agree that sooner is usually better. “Often as close to an event as possible, ensuring that the details are still fresh in everyone’s minds,” says Paul Buller, an organizational psychologist and head of Learning Content at Mindtools Kineo.

“The longer you wait, the more likely it is that you unintentionally increase the weight behind it,” adds Wilson. “If you give me feedback about something that happened three months ago, I’m left wondering how long you’ve been thinking about it and why you didn’t tell me. As managers, it’s incredibly selfish to prioritize our need to be liked over someone’s need for growth.”

At the same time, you may want to avoid surprising people with feedback. “That can unintentionally feel like an attack,” says Kimberly Best, RN, MA, a dispute resolution expert and founder of Best Conflict Solutions. “The process is better received if people have both a heads-up and buy-in [as to] when to receive feedback. You can say something like, ‘Hey, I noticed something about…and I’d like to give you some feedback. Is that OK?’”

Experts also recommend delivering feedback privately, since public criticism can undermine trust and make employees less receptive to feedback. Buller says managers should also avoid times like Friday afternoons. “They leave the recipient with the whole weekend to dwell on the feedback without a chance to discuss it.” The same goes for holidays and vacations. Your goal is to build trust, not create resentment or fear.

What should you do when you get pushback?

Some degree of resistance to feedback is common, so try not to take it personally. It also helps to lead with empathy. “Empathy and accountability are not on opposite ends of a continuum,” says Wilson. “You can be empathetic and hold people accountable.”

It may also be helpful to know that many managers misread employees during constructive feedback discussions. “Sometimes we confuse normal stress reactions for defensiveness,” says Wilson. “Maybe they feel humiliated. Maybe they are worried. When in doubt check your assumption.” You can say something like, “‘I’m noticing you are quiet. Talk to me about what you are thinking,” she says.

Managers should also know that constructive feedback is “the quickest way to trigger a threat response in our brain,” according to Wilson. “Our amygdala takes about 18 minutes for those stress hormones to peak and 24 hours to metabolize. What this means is if you are giving particularly tough feedback, their brain likely cannot consider solutions for a day or so,” she says.

How can you get more comfortable providing feedback?

If employees are uncomfortable receiving constructive feedback, it’s understandable that managers are reluctant to give it. The good news? Providing feedback is a skill, which means you can get better with practice. Just make sure to do it when you’re in a good frame of mind.

“Push yourself to practice when the emotional heat isn’t high,” says Wilson. “If the stakes are high, that situation—and that person—deserves more than your first rehearsal.”

Best recommends role-playing feedback conversations until you feel more comfortable. If some discomfort lingers, consider being transparent about it, which Best says models vulnerability, honesty and authenticity. You can say something like, “‘Giving feedback always makes me a little uncomfortable. Please, let’s approach this as a dialogue—I’ll tell you what I see, and we can work through together what might work better,’” she says.

Buller offers a useful reframe for anyone who dreads feedback conversations: You don’t have to have all the answers. “Most likely the other person just wants to be heard to begin with, so focus on creating a two-way conversation rather than a monologue,” he says. “Seeking feedback on your own performance can also help [you] understand the value of feedback firsthand.”

Need a helpful reframe?

If you’re worried about delivering feedback, it’s helpful to remember that it gives people clarity about where they stand, confidence about where they can improve, and a clearer path to get there. Delivered consistently using the advice offered here, you may find it becomes easier and more rewarding over time.

“Sometimes people aren’t ready for feedback,” says Buller. “So start by understanding their perspective and maintaining a calm, empathetic approach. By creating an environment of trust and support, you can help them move past defensiveness and embrace constructive change.”

If someone becomes openly defensive or hostile, Wilson offers a technique called ‘honor the emotion, coach the behavior.’ It looks like this: “‘It’s OK that you are frustrated hearing this; it’s not OK that you are calling me names,’” she says, adding that you can follow up with something like, “‘This might be a lot to process. Take some time and let’s come back together to discuss how we will move forward differently.’”

Once things have settled, you can schedule a follow-up meeting to continue the conversation.